The Art Of The Zing - Part I

In this day and age, quick decision making can mean the difference between success and failure. Zing, or be Zinged. To many, including experienced Zingwraiths, the question still remains: What constitutes a Zing?

This past Sunday, amid the wintry glory prevalent in the northeast, I was lucky enough to sit down with Dr. Celestial Seasoning to discuss the history of the Zing, how it has influenced his life, and his thoughts on the ever-growing Zing-Nation. And despite Dr. Seasoning's comforting personality and physical appearance, I soon found out that mastering the Zing is no walk in the park, there are no points for second place, and X never marks the spot.

(The following is transcript between Sojo and Dr. Seasoning)

Sojo: "Greetings Dr. Seasoning, and thank you for taking the time to sit down and talk with me."

Dr. S: (Quietly takes a sip of tea...and then socks Sojo in the face with a bag of lemons) "Zing!"

Sojo: (Dazed) "Uh, did I miss something?"

Dr. S: "I wouldn't say you've been missing it Bob. How could you? You had front rows seats to the show!"

Sojo: "The show? Bob?"

Dr. S: "You know....The Daily Zing?

(Awkward silence)

Dr. S: "Zingerville, USA, population you?"

Sojo: "Uh...."

Dr. S: "I think Jack Handy said it best with 'If life gives you lemons, why not kill someone with those lemons.' Relax, I'm not gonna kill you with these lemons. I just wanted to do something that would get your attention; Something that you would never forget; Something to...Zing you."

Sojo: "Oh, I see. So If I was to take that this plant over here and rub it in your...."

(Out of nowhere, Sojo is struck and falls to the ground)

Dr. S: (Looking down at Sojo and holding the lemons) "Zangers!"

Sojo: (Mumbling to himself) "This is gonna be a long day...."